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True Power

" True power does not need arrogance, a long beard and a barking voice. True power is attained with silk ribbons, charm and intelligence"

- Oriana Fallaci in "Il Divo"

My Journey

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Dr Kay Jamison said it best - "An Unquiet Mind". The continuous loop of internal dialogue. The highs. The lows. So finally, twelve(12)years removed from my original diaGnosis, I've learned to respect my Mind and it's unique abilities. Take it seriously. I've found my purpose. I've found my passion. Help is desperately needed for the millions suffering from the diaGnosis of bipolar disorder and severe depression. More than just coping methods. The real question is - 'What's the source of our suffering?'' It's time to reach out. Raise awareness. Share my journey.With the country's current emotional temperament, there's no better time than now. You see, during this roller coaster ride, I've lost everything. My money. My 'friends'. My soul. But somehow I've found the strength to navigate through bipolar disorder's gauntlet. I've learned that it's not a death sentence but actually a gift. Simply a race car that needs to be learned to be driven. The trick is - not too fast or not too slow. Always misunderstood. Years of expectations. Years of pain. Years of disappointment have led me to an epiphany.... In this game we call life, it's not if you can win or lose. It's if you can survive.


Awaken Unite Generate


           We are all on a journey of discovery that requires us to acquire knowledge on the way to Gnosis. Once a certain level of awareness is attained, the Truth will jump out at you as if you got hit with a bolt of lightning. The Truth has been hidden in plain site for millennium. Once this Truth is attained, It will not only set you free, but open the gate to your true state of consciousness.

        Unity Consciousness in the 5th Dimension is the destination. Awareness is the key that unlocks the prison that has held humanity hostage from the beginning of Time.

       With more knowledge and experience, if we pay attention, one develops a sharp mind that pierces through the illusory reality that is dominated by our desire for sensual pleasure and escape. Our 5 senses keep us trapped ... asleep at the wheel. We've been tricked into using our intellectual thought, free will and intention to animate a universe  according to somebody else's agenda ... Do you know who that someone is?

      The Way of the Spiritual  Warrior is lonely, pathless quest. As we traverse this return to the stars, our experiences serve as reflections of our progress.We must comprehend the fact that there are no mistakes. Our reality is created by what we've been conditioned to beLIEve. The trick is to shed all said programming and know that we are the creators of our story. In the end, when we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.

       Taking back the reigns of our chariot and awakening to the fact that we are the dreamers of our dream is a huge responsibility.The options are endless. Quantum physics tells us that a multitude of universes are available to step into and animate at any given moment. When we awaken in our dream and realize our immense power, nothing can stand in our way of manifesting the reality of our choosing.

       Balance is the key. A merging of the Light and the Dark ... the Feminine and the Masculine ... the Yin and the Yang. A tether of humility and gratitude must be established to keep us grounded. For when the Fire is ignited, it's very easy to get lost and misuse our new found glory of the fearless Serpent.

       Many talk about surrendering to the Will of the Absolute. Would it be too egregious to enter into a partnership with the Force that animates the universe?Asking for guidance while at the same time being given the ability to take off the training wheels and fly like the eagles that we are. All fear and doubt must be abandoned .... for these states of mind only serve to remove us from the present moment and inhibit merging with the Absolute power of the Unnameable, Unknowable One.

       Stepping into the cosmic river of destiny requires us to stop fighting the Flow and start riding the lightning with Grace. The transcendental attractor is at our disposal. Ready and willing to deliver the reality that we desire as co-creators. Of course discernment must be practiced. Because in the end, debts must be paid.

      The exorcising of our 5 senses and the development of 6th sense of Intuition will unlock our ability to tap into our latent powers that were available before the Fall. Reconnecting with Source ... downloading the necessary knowledge will assist us to transcend time and space and break out of the Matrix of intellectual thought.

The Unknowable One is cheering us on. Holding up a mirror of our progress on a daily basis as we make the journey to complete the Great Work ... to liberate our Spirit and unify with The One. As we make our pilgrimage  back to the Eternal Spirit, we must shed all the shackles of the 3rd Dimension , jump into the Abyss and finally 'Let Go and Flow'.

Now .... Is our mission to surrender or merge with The Grand Architect?

Probably both.

I do know One thing .... it's time to Awaken  Unite and Generate.



What's Your Story?

      'What's Our Story?' is one of the most important questions we could ever ask ourselves. And more importantly is understanding that we are the authors of the story. This is Gnosis ... coming to the realization that we are powerful, divine beings that are having a human experience. Co-creators that have at our disposal the ability to manifest whatever reality we do so desire.


      During one of my hot yoga classes last year, my instructor Carrie made an extremely important point while my legs were burning while holding the 'power chair' position. She said, " Pain is only a sensation. A story that our body is telling us. Instead of running from or avoiding this sensation, simply acknowledge  it, experience it. Let it know that we appreciate the information and let it go.... it's just a story." Pretty profound to say the least.

    This leads me to the question of anxiety, depression and other extreme states of mood. Are we creating these experiences? Are we dictating the story which is leading to uncontrollable states of mind? In a word, yes.

We Are What We Think

        The more I study/experience the art of co-creation, the more I feel that we've been mislead to beLIEve that life is something that 'happens to us'. In my humble opine, nothing could be further from the truth. We've been blessed with free will and the power of  intention. So basically whatever we experience is in direct correlation to what version of reality we are choosing to project. We don't have anxiety, we are anxiety-ing. We don't have depression, we are depress-ing.

     This epiphany, when totally understood and embraced, is the Philosopher's Stone. The key that unlocks the prison of victim-hood and opens the mind to co-creation .... the I AM.

     Whenever we are not enjoying the story that we are experiencing, change it ... you are the author. Do we have to grit and bear this excruciatingly boring, novel version of life or can we put our foot down and take a stand? Can we make the transition from programmed reader/hostage to eloquent writer/creator? I say yes.

    "I'm sick and tired and I'm not going to take it anymore". This quote from the movie 'Network' serves as a roll call to all those that want to reinvent themselves ... knowing that if we 'Imagine It, then It Will Be'. The power of  imagination and conscious intention is only recently starting to gain momentum. Thanks to  Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Eckhart Tolle, Bruce Lipton, Gregg Braden and  Paul Levy, we are constantly reminded to 'Awaken in the Dream' of life and start co-creating.

     Google 'Dispelling Wetiko'. Google 'Spiritual Alchemy'. Google 'Hermes Trismegistus'. Google 'Gnosis'..... the clues are All there.

    I truly feel it's time to wake up from our slumber. Personally, I've found it imperative do a thorough self evaluation and rid myself of destructive behavioral patterns as well as my egocentric self-defense mechanisms that no longer serve me.

    We are powerful. We have the ability to harness the energy that animates the Universe. Because we are the Universe. And it is our God given right to author a story that is the epitome of unconditional love and  passionate joy.

   So again, I ask ...... What's Your Story?


as a reminder


A Future without FEAR

Terrance McKenna at his best ...... In a word, mankind must take responsibility for it's Thoughts, Actions and Reality.


Judas in Plain Site


        The following is a blog that I wrote when I was wide awake and dialed into Divine Source. It's a cautionary tale. For when we open up and become inflamed with the Fire, we must use discretion and remember that 'Truth without Compassion and Love is Cruelty'. Nevertheless it simply proves that The Beast is a shape-shifter and is always hidden in plain site.

              When we enter the path to make the journey of the Dark Knight, there’s an observer lurking … and not the One that we piggyback to transform our consciousness.  As we learn to dance with our Shadow, there’s a lull that opens us up to transcendental awareness. And the creeping opponent, the Judas I’m referring to is the Wolf … in sheep’s clothing.

     One of the main causes of mental instability with the ‘travelling Ones’ that have experienced the Ultimate … the Breakthrough, the Culling, the Calling the Wind, the Flow leads us to the introduction of the GAOTU … the Grand Architect of the Universe. And we discover that the genesis of our drama, which was induced by trauma, is the inability to express ourselves creatively.
This year, 2014, has been the most exhilarating 10 months of my 49 years on our pale blue marble. During the most recent Blood Moon Lunar Eclipse, which occurs every 200 years, I arrived at a destination that has been referred to as Nirvana, Bliss, Enlightenment or more poignantly … Home. To borrow Sophia Stewart’s vernacular, as the original architect of the Terminator/Matrix Trilogies … I ‘popped’.

    All my fear, guilt, care, regret, programming, worry, culture and most of all, dependence on the jaded opine of society melted away. Similar to the duty of the mechanism that sucks unwanted body fat during the liposuction process; my soul has been cleansed … permanently. And I thank God for Lipo, for our Gnostic Fight Club would not be able to make soap otherwise. 

   Back to the opponent …The traitor I’m referring to has a level of cowardice that is rivaled by none. As Bill Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage and all the men and women merely players” and “Brevity is the soul of wit” , the clever bottom feeder is a special kind of thespian. One that watches, mimics, adapts on the drop of a quarter. A true shape shifter, every move is calculated, contrived … and the more we let ‘it’ in, the damage this cancerous parasite perpetuates leaves a scar for eternity on our soul. This lesion however, must be cherished, honored, accepted and never be removed or forgotten. It will serve as a reminder of our perilous journey through Time and Space.

    Moving forward, this spineless entity will quip “This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you” and more profoundly “You are there for your own good”. She/He/It(shit) will rant and rave about how Unconditional Love must be earned as they shuffle you of handcuffed to a gurney. When this escapade finally manifests, the love gloves must be permanently discarded and one’s heart protected as a Mama grizzly protects her cubs … this will be a fight to the Death.

                                 As Above, So Below

    This is the crossroads. An event that will take shape, make you close your mouth, zip your lips and give the masses what they ‘want ‘… unless a dose of what they ‘need’ will be the common fare. In and out of Love… Love of a Hue-Man that is so twisted and confused that that She/He/It would rather see the Sun strapped to a hospital bed, drugged into submission, sent to prison … or all of the Above.

    Prior to the Fall, pride will rear its ugly head.  They edit as they go… convincing the  world that they aren’t hiding their Soul, but simply a ‘bringer of Light’.

    I’ve been a sucker for Love all of my 49 years in this dimension … lifetime. Approaching the midway point of centennial awareness,  I’ve been filled copiously with glowing metal … an upgraded version of the prior 49 shades of Greg. Monty, Punk Monk, McFly, G Money , Super G, and finally UG. The alchemist’s mission is to never take his eye off the prize ... or better yet  to never let others tamper with the sacred formula of the inner piece of 8 …. Infinity.

    The 3rd Dimension is upside down and backwards. In this world, but not of this world, we are told to avoid the Deadly 7, never tell a lie, go to school(programming), pay our taxes, trust everyone and stay glued to Channel Fuzz. FOX(666) News is the biblical station of Truth, where questions are frowned upon and slavery is incentivized with glitter. Many o’ spiritual warriors have passed through this decadent mind fuck … only to be brainwashed, trick or treated, manipulated … only to be cast off at the early age of the Nine(27). This elite club included Hendrix, Joplin, Ledger, Cobain, Morrison  to name a few.

             “I guess the Fire was simply too much for him to bare”

                                 – Val Kilmer as Doc Holiday in Tombstone

    Now to finally exorcise the foul smelling beast that cover’s its tracks with precision … or at least will mask it’s disgusting stench with cheap after shave that has a ship on it’s bottle. It’s time that society wakes up to the nightmare that is unfolding before our very eyes. This play reads like a Greek tragedy. A drama where political correctness supersedes family and loyalty.  Where one’s appearance of character has replaced the true essence of the word.

 The following quote is from Orianna Fallaci in the movie, Il Divo.

  “True power does not need arrogance, a long beard and a barking voice. True power is attained with silk ribbons, charm and intelligence.”

  A single Terry warned me one time to never share my Gift with my family. I heard him, but I didn't listen.

Now I’m ready … To Keep It Real

Are you?

And btw ... Who is your Judas?

He's probably closer than you think.



You're Not Alone

The power of peer to peer communication is immense. Online support networks such as No Stigmas ( are providing the much needed compassion for those that are going through anxiety, depression and/or extreme states of consciousness.

There is definitely a gap that needs to be filled with more non-profit organizations that promote unity, compassion and wellness. Empowering those in need with unconditional love and support can help them overcome the symptoms that are experienced when we are out of balance. We're all in this together. We're all part of ONE consciousness. And the quicker we realize this unity consciousness, we can then make the transition from fault-finding and judgement to identifying similarities in order to assist others when they need us most.

During my journey, I've found that during the course of sharing my story and helping others, I've actually benefited the most. Practicing acceptance, forgiveness, and showing empathy is a way of bringing people closer together. We are all part of ONE universal consciousness. Finding ways to connect with others that need support and encouragement  not only empowers the receiver, but the giver as well.

Peer to peer communication is all about talking with someone that has experienced the highs and lows that accompany extreme states of mind/mood. Working with someone that has traveled this path can give the perspective, strength and hope that is needed to move through this troubling experience and lead productive lives.

The 'power of believing' we can overcome adversity raises our vibration from the low frequency of fear to a higher frequency of love. Peer to peer support systems provide the connection that serves to energize the human spirit and break down the walls that that stand in the way recovery and growth. The positive energy a peer to peer specialist provides comes from the heart. The desire to help others through their 'Dark Night of the Soul' strengthens the bond of humanity. Simply being there to listen and help people through this transitional period of their lives is the true definition of beauty. The beauty of unity consciousness and the much needed compassion to heal our wounds.

Moving through my inner fears and coming to terms with my past has given me strength. Discarding the many destructive behaviors and defense mechanisms has brought me closer to my friends and family. Surrendering to the moment and accepting myself for I AM..... my true, higher Self that resides deep within this temporary vessel called the body. These are some examples of the messages that we can share.

Moving Forward

When it comes to recovery, I'd like everyone to consider the power of metaphysics and the proposal that we are co-creators in this 3 dimensional experience. We must acknowledge that our thoughts are things. And once we understand that what we think about throws off a vibration that in turn creates our reality, we can take an active role in our recovery. Making a conscious effort to work from the heart, we can create harmony not only in the mental health community, but in society as a whole.

I'd like to propose a new idea. That those that experience extreme states of consciousness are not 'sick', but master manifestors...... meta-physicians, if you will, that are unknowingly creating chaos and depression. If we embrace the fact that we can change our experience in this dimension, we can then step out of the victim mindset and take a active role in our growth and recovery.

Dr Wayne Dyer promotes this mindset in his book, 'Change your Thoughts, Change your Life'. Understanding how the Law of Attraction works, we can can change our vibration and in turn change our experience in this dimension. It's all about how we react to situations we find ourselves in on a daily basis. We must make a conscious effort to use our imagination productively and focus on what we want in our lives vs. what we don't want in our lives. It might sound difficult at first, but with practice it becomes a reality.

Learning the tools to let go and project positive and fulfilling vibrations into the universe will give us the ability to co-create the paradise that we desire. We simply need to disconnect from the Ego and connect with our sixth sense of intuition and work from the heart.

Meditation, prayer, proper nutrition, exercise, consistent sleep patterns and maintaining healthy relationships all contribute to creating harmony during our short stay on this planet. Going deep into the heart and finding our true Self can be liberating and enlightening.

Sharing our experience can give others the ability to see their experience with a new set of eyes.This new perspective can empower us with the courage needed to move through our fears and carry on. Peer to peer communication provides the much needed forum.

Reach out, stay strong and make your dreams become reality.

"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek" - Joseph Campbell


Surrender Is My Prize

There's no going back to that place. This person, this stranger, is all you are now. Get to know him, for this is your true self. No more looking over your shoulder. No more wondering what could have been ... wishing for a better past. You, right now, are the culmination of your defeats. This is your victory. Surrender is your prize. Waking up from the fog of your search, you are now found.

Pray to your Creator and thank him/her/it every time you want to regress into self pity and regret. You have arrived. This is your path. You are now fully conscious. Your eyes are wide open in comparison to the eyes wide shut of yesterday. You are a survivor. Spread the word of hope. Scream from the rooftops that people can wake from their slumber.

The time has come to end the projection your delusional thoughts onto the silver screen of reality.  Constantly bombarded with falsehoods, you've lived within this illusion for many lifetimes. Discovering that the Matrix is a master deceiver, you can now comfortably take off the blinders and experience life for the very first time.

Welcome home.


I am Spirit
I am Truth
I am Love Divine
This Body, this Mind is only a dream of mine

Master Yogiraj Gurunath

"Change your Thoughts - Change your Life"
                                            - Wayne Dyer


Choose Life

      Starting over is never easy. 2012 served to be a very interesting year for yours truly. It has been a period of transformation, pain and growth. I was forced to deal with many issues that have been haunting me since childhood. When we choose to depress troubling emotions into the dark corners of our subconscious mind, they're bound to eventually surface. And surface they did.

            I have to be totally honest; making the transition from NFL player to Citizen Q has been very difficult for me. I've tried to find my niche' in society in a multitude of avenues over the years. I’ve searched for success in a construction company, a record label, a cigar bar, a stint in the mortgage business, mental health advocacy in addition to coaching high school, college and NFL punters. The most satisfaction has been helping young punters develop and helping people navigate through our bipolar gauntlet. Sharing, helping others ... most satisfaction. Go figure. There are no coincidences.

       Living with bipolar disorder for the last 16 years, I've learned that I have a propensity for the extreme. According to the theory of reincarnation and karma, my excessive lifestyle in previous lives is continuing to play out. The dramas I'm living out in this lifetime are simply a continuation of the evolution of my soul. Point being that I have some karma I still need to work through. Personally, I had enough of this cosmic tough love. It’s time to move on from this shit.

      For more on Bipolar Disorder, Reincarnation and Karma, click here : (

     Manic enthusiasm has been a blessing as well as my lifelong Achilles Heel. Moderation has never been one of my stronger skills. All or nothing. Go for broke. Be the best or nothing at all. This attitude served me well while playing professional sports. Well, kind of. The desire to be the best gave me the ability to excel at a very high level on the playing field. But with such high expectations, the pressure to perform led to very high levels of stress and performance anxiety. Not to mention having to play through injuries most of my career. One of my coping mechanisms was drugs and alcohol. And we all know where that path leads.

    The last year has presented many opportunities for my spiritual growth. To finally understanding what is important in life has been a painful blessing. I’ve been trapped in the material world. My levels of happiness and self worth were totally determined by my conquests. I had no idea who I was as a person. I had no idea what true friendship was. And I definitely had no idea of the concept of ‘unconditional love’.

    The niceties of The Matrix can be very alluring. The land of make believe that wants you to think that enough money, power and prestige will lead to happiness. Nothing could be further from the truth. The material world is a trap; an endless lie also known as the Ego.

    To this day I struggle with ‘staying present’. I often catch myself thinking about the life I had, the opportunities I’ve failed to take advantage of and the fact my unborn children would be in college if I had married when I graduated from Michigan State. This is my unquiet mind. I’ve been known to constantly replay mistakes and engage in ‘what ifs’ as if I could wave a magic wand and change my history. Dwelling on the dead past and/or imagined future is not only unproductive, it’s insane. All we have is the present moment. The quicker we realize this, the easier it is to move on and start living life.

     It’s been over a year of recovery since my last break. I’ve been forced to face my demons and adjust my lifestyle accordingly. A steady diet of acceptance, compassion for others, selflessness, humility and forgiveness (including myself) have been my recipe for success. Growth hurts, man. Realizing you’ve been doing it wrong for over 47 years is not an easy pill to swallow. The pain that I’ve endured has given me a profound reference point in the evolution of my soul. I can definitely say that I’m a survivor.

     I’ve been blessed with a very supportive and loyal family. It is during these times that you find out who your allies are. The true friends that are willing to accept you for who you are. I’ve mentioned in earlier posts that the clean-up after a crisis is difficult. But after the smoke clears, the cream rises to the top. New friendships are born. Old ones are rekindled. The rest just fade away.

     I think the message here is that it’s never too late to make a comeback. Knowing life is transient, the trick is to never lose faith in our ability to overcome adversity. Nietzsche said, “What does not kill us, only serves to make us stronger”. That being said, life is always going to present challenges. It’s on the darkest days that we learn the most about ourselves. If we look at ‘life as teacher’, we can break the chains of the blame game and finally realize that everything happens for a reason. There are no coincidences.

    I’m thankful for my newfound connection with my creator and thank him/her for the opportunity to uncover my true self. I’ve found that avoiding the trappings of materialism and finding a way to get outside of ourselves is the path to enlightenment. Extending unconditional love to all human beings and helping the less fortunate is the special sauce. It’s taken me over 47 years to finally get this … and I thank God every day for the wisdom gained from my journey.

Anyone who’s experienced crisis, anxiety and/or depression has been given a window to see what is really important. We can finally see the trees for the forest. This is why I share my experiences on this blog. First and foremost, it’s a tool for my recovery. Second, and most importantly, I hope that it gives others the strength to carry on.

We all have a choice…. Choose Life.



Friends, Family and Lydia

         Last night I received the sweetest phone call from an old friend of mine. I attended Shrewsbury Boro Grammar School with Barbara McNeal (Speece) in the late 70’s. After a few interactions on Facebook, she called to tell me how much she appreciated our friendship. Barb, who lives in Michigan, is also my female Rottweiler Lydia’s Vet … always quick to give much needed advice and loving care to my beloved canine. During the call, we reminisced about growing up in New Jersey and all the fond memories we had in our adolescent years. I can’t tell you how much it moved me that she took the time to drop me a line. The timing was perfect.

           Over the holidays, I've received many kind texts and emails from those that are truly concerned about my journey. Many mentioned how I've touched their lives in one way or another. These are the times I cherish. Once again realizing that my I'm making a difference. It would be easy to throw in the towel. But the restructuring of my life is starting to pay dividends. I’m so thankful for those that have stuck by my side.

           I’m coming up on one (1) year of recovery since my last manic episode. I've been battling depression and anxiety since January of last year. Sobriety, active recovery, meditation, working out and a good diet have all contributed to my spiritual growth over the last 12 months. I’m reading a lot and have been actively blogging again…which is a good sign. But the work is never done. Recovery will always be a constant in my life.

          Probably the most satisfying aspect to this chapter of my life has been the new relationships as well as rekindled old ones. My new friends I've made through recovery groups, my family’s love that never wanes and my true friends that never stopped believing in me.

       When we go through tough times, it’s easy for people to put us in a box and write us off. It is these times that we really find out who our true friends are. I’ll be the first to admit that those of up from both poles need to avoid giving Bipolar and depression a bad name. If we slip into our old ways and fade into darkness, we usually have had a hand in the drama. Our Ego takes over; self-pity and righteousness run rampant.

       When manic, we can become frustrated when friends and family can’t ‘keep up’. Usually we have some valid points that we incessantly want to get across. But the tact, or lack thereof, could have been adjusted in one way or another. Even though we think we’re telling the truth, we must remember that the ‘truth without Love is just mean’.

        Most people with ‘unquiet minds’ can’t seem to turn off the ‘ass-kickin’ machine. When manic, the assault is on others. When depressed, the assault is on us. And as I've said before, the subsequent clean up is never pretty.

    Why do we find it necessary to dig up the past and figure out ‘what happened’ to us? And when our mania subsides, why do we find it necessary to beat ourselves up to the brink of suicide? Why do we always have the urge to dole out unsolicited advice; pointing out the faults in others when in reality when should be cherishing our many similarities? 

       These are questions that are answered when we come back down to earth. When we realize we’re all doing the best we can on our quest for happiness. Granted, some people are a little further along their path to enlightenment. And others show us signs that they have some things to work on or work out. But I now know that it’s not my job to play God and push them along their path. God has his/her plan for all and it’s up to me to let people evolve at their own pace. Acceptance, support and the showing of unconditional Love will not only contribute to my sanity, but to the harmony of all those I come in contact with on this planet.

     The moral to the story is that the human interaction that we experience with our friends and family is indispensable.  The support and Love we share will not only change our lives, but all those that we coexist with in the universe. We’re all in this together. And the sooner we take the necessary steps to unite and experience unity-consciousness, the more fulfilling our lives will be.

Thank God for Friends, Family and Lydia.



I AM Enough

      The ringing in of 2013 had a special meaning for me this year. For GHM Jr., 2012 was a very painful, yet enlightening year. I have to admit, while counting down the days to 12-21-12, I was really focused on spiritual growth. I can credit my always developing consciousness for that.

      The last couple months living in Colorado had given me time to reflect. Spending time with quality people and lots of animals(2 Llamas,1 horse, 32 Alpacas,  3 cats and 5 dogs to be exact) has been a blessing. I can feel my tether to Mother Earth growing stronger daily.

      It's not easy talking about failure. Having to spend 3 months in a rehabilitation facility for severe depression can be observed as a sign of weakness. I can't look at it that way. I'm growing. After 48 years on this earth, I continue to learn. Similar to waking from a bad dream, I've been forced to re-think how I conduct my life. Mind, Body, and Spirit. I'm learning that 'we win some and we lose some'. I get on my knees every day and thank God for the lessons that are paving my way to a higher state of consciousness. Man ... too many damn lessons .... and painful ones at that. Anger. Judgement. Resentment. Jealousy. Conditional Love. The list goes on. However, I'm now wide awake.

     So this is where I'm at ... the proverbial crossroads. It's up to me to choose the right path. It's never easy coming to the conclusion that I've been doing it all wrong in this game of life. Stuck for so many years. Trapped in the pattern of chasing external people, places and things for internal happiness.

    In my previous blogs, I've written about finding 'it' and never wanting to let 'it' go again. Easier said than done. For me, happiness and joy are some slippery suckers. When not careful, happiness and joy can slip out of our hands at a moments notice. And this slippage usually occurs when I lose my connection with the Tao, Source, God or whatever you want to call it.

     I'm reading a very insightful book right now called The Handbook to Higher Consciousness by Ken Keyes, Jr. It speaks of many addictive behaviors that we all have been programmed to do at a very early age. Breaking these habits are essential to spiritual growth. Unity is also a common theme. Having a subject-object mindset of 'them' vs 'us' keeps us trapped in the lower Three(there are 7 total) Centers of Consciousness that focus on Security, Sensation and Power. When we're constantly focused on satisfying the ego, never thinking we are enough, we set ourselves up for a ride on the Pleasure-Pain roller-coaster. When I finally figured out(again) that I AM enough, my life has become more fulfilling and much less stressful.

     The Fourth Center of Consciousness is that of Love. Having the ability to accept whatever anyone says or does and love them unconditionally is a very challenging task. But once mastered, we realize that life unfolds naturally.When we accept life on life's terms and look at all people as Beings of Light, we control our own destiny. I've said it before, 'Our pain is self-chosen'. Meaning ... we are what we think. Throw in the Law of Attraction and I've found the only person I can blame is the man in the mirror. Instead of blame myself, I choose to thank God for the opportunity to continue to grow.

    Obviously I'm a slow learner. I made some serious mistakes in 2012. And the clean up has been difficult. Losing friends, opportunities and my girlfriend of 6 years are some of the things I regret. But I must keep moving forward with my newly gained wisdom of 2012. I've been blessed with a rekindled relationship with my father. Totally accepting him for who he is .... warts and all. I'm talking regularly with my brother and sister. And my mother is always a breath of fresh air for me.Thank God for family.

    My path to enlightenment has had some undesirable side tracks. With a close connection to my creator and a true desire to love all humans unconditionally, I'm starting to see The Light again. Life is as much a test as it is a journey. We will always have our personal lessons to learn and Karma to work off, however I've discovered that it's how we react to adversity that shapes our lives.

    Let life happen. Avoid meddling with the Divine Order that will guide us once we 'let go'. Our purpose on this earth is to spiritually evolve. I've been blind to this for a very long time. Evolution is painful.... Thank God for pain.