Growth and the Power of Forgiveness

In light of my most recent manic episode, I've really found a new appreciation for acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude.

When in the middle of a tumultuous manic episode, it’s very easy to fall into the trap of the ‘blame game’. We point the finger at others when in reality we should be looking in the mirror; engaging in some some serious soul searching and restructuring the way we conduct our lives.

How many times do we make the fatal error of lashing out at the ones that love us the most? …. simply because they don’t think the way we do. Instead of moving forward and accepting everyone for whom they are (including ourselves), we tend to rehash the past and try to figure out what ‘went wrong’.

I've found that forgiveness is the key. Not only for all those that have wronged us, but most importantly, we must forgive ourselves and accept ourselves for who we are as well.

In my personal case, I've had a tough time letting go of my childhood and the many speed bumps that have been a direct result of my actions. The propensity to form excuses for the many trials and tribulations that simply need to be chalked up as ‘life’ …… and sometimes life sucks.

I've spent the greater part of the last 9 months learning about myself and engaging in intense internal growth; sharing my experiences with others in order to shed some light on this thing we call bipolar disorder. Or for lack of a better word …. ‘waking up’.

My constant stream of thoughts and scenarios are not only false, but will never come to fruition. The ego is a liar. And it will do anything to stay alive; outside of the present moment. Prayer and meditation are ways to look within ourselves and forge the pathway that is needed to find our ‘true being’.

The ego can only survive when we think we need ‘things’ in order to be happy. Whether its food, sex, drugs or alcohol, we must be very wary not to look outside ourselves and overindulge in order to find happiness. Finding our soul mate, making a certain amount of money, getting the perfect job or achieving a certain status in society are all examples of this delusion.

All we really have is The Now.  Guilt, anxiety and worry all become obsolete when we move into the present moment …. The Now.  The ego cannot survive if we focus on living in the present moment. Our ego would want us to believe that we need to have regrets about the past or look to the future for our happiness. However when we are present, living in The Now, time fades away; giving us the ability to be joyous and free…… to accept the people for who they are. 

We must look at the tough times as opportunities to grow. Our creator never presents us with situations we can’t handle. All we need to do is take a deep breath, take the first step and thank our creator for the opportunity to feel the many emotions that accompany us on our journey.

I've learned that it’s not always the goal we should be fixated on (future). Taking the time to enjoy every step of the journey (now) is how we can stay the moment and grow.

GM