Codependence vs. Interdependence

     "Codependence and interdependence are two very different dynamics. Codependence is about giving away power over our self-esteem. . . . Interdependence is about making allies, forming partnerships. It is about forming connections with other beings." 

       The disease of Codependence causes us to keep repeating patterns that are familiar. So we pick untrustworthy people to trust, undependable people to depend on, unavailable people to love. By healing our emotional wounds and changing our intellectual programming we can start to practice discernment in our choices so that we can change our patterns and learn to trust ourselves." 

    "The way to healthy interdependence is to be able to see things clearly - to see people, situations, life dynamics and most of all ourselves clearly. If we are not working on healing our childhood wounds and changing our childhood programming then we cannot begin to see ourselves clearly let alone anything else in life."


  Robert Burney, author of Codependence: The Dance of Wounded Souls

Bert Yancey - The Pioneer

            When I played in the Cadillac NFL Golf Classic in 1993 with Albert 'Bert' Yancey, I felt a bond. I didn't know what it was at the time, but it was special. He is one of the many great people that have influenced my life. The picture above was taken less than a year before his death.

     To all those suffering from the hardships and after-shock of mental illness, please click the link below and read the story of one of our finest 'fallen heroes'.

http://usma1961.westpointaog.com/Yancey.htm

The Flip Side of Bipolar

http://www.wholepsychiatry.com/blog/

The Firecracker 500 Golf Classic

      I attended the Firecracker 500 golf event in St Louis this weekend. The golf tournament's host, aspiring PGA professional and fellow 'roller-coaster aficionado' , Mike Wellington, did a superb job. Raising over $4,000 for the Chicago chapter of DBSA (Depression Bipolar Support Alliance), we hope to expand this event next year.

   Reminiscent of the golf classic, Caddyshack, the variety of golf personalities 'on and around' the course added to the excitement. The Firecracker 500, an event Mike has been hosting for 17 years, was a great opportunity to raise both money and awareness for the mental health community.

Well done, Michael.

We All March To Different Drummers

   During my 'Barnes and Noble research' into personality types, I came across this excerpt from David Keirsey's Please Understand Me II. After reading and digesting it's meaning, I have to admit that I'm guilty as charged. Even though I've felt that I've been 'misunderstood' most of my life, Keirsey's insight proves that we all can fall prey to wanting to 'fix people'. We all need to have more respect for others' 'uniqueness'. And moving forward, I'll do my best to 'understand others' as much as I desire for them to 'understand  me'.

        If you do not want what I want, please try not to tell me that my want is wrong. 

       Or if my beliefs are different from yours, at least pause before you set out to correct them. 

       Or if my emotion seems less or more intense than yours, given the same circumstances, try not to ask me to feel other than I do. 


     Or if I act, or fail to act, in the manner of your design for action, please let me be.

      I do not, for the moment at least, ask you to understand me.  That will come only when you are willing to give up trying to change me into a copy of you.


      If you will allow me any of my own wants, or emotions, or beliefs, or actions, then you open yourself to the possibility that some day these ways of mine might not seem so wrong, and might finally appear as right--for me.  To put up with me is the first step to understanding me.


      Not that you embrace my ways as right for you, but that you are no longer irritated or disappointed with me for my seeming waywardness.  And one day, perhaps, in trying to understand me, you might come to prize my differences, and, far from seeking to change me, might preserve and even cherish those differences.


      I may be your spouse, your parent, your offspring, your friend, your colleague.  But whatever our relation, this I know:  You and I are fundamentally different and both of us have to march to our own drummer.




Word. GM

Why is America so Stressed Out?

    
           This question is, has been and always will be a hot topic for debate. We are a product of what we hear,  what we see,  what we eat,  what we read. Inevitably, our existence is determined by how we interpret and make use of said stimuli.  That being said, here's a little collection of titles, shows, ideas and people that might 'ring a bell' and serve to open your eyes. Our addiction to  'bread and circuses' is not only ignorant; but tired ............


          The extinction of the “made in the USA”  label, Bling, Range Rovers, Hummers, tic tac Prozac, the paparazzi , payday loans, Bruce Jenner, outsourcing, FICO scores,  the Dollar menu, The Donald, derivatives, Nancy Grace, Google,  late fees, hedge funds, the tempting short-cut wisdom of the school of 'he said/she said/PhD's/MD's, Celebrity Rehab, OctoMom, Jerry Springer, Nancy Grace, the myth of  'cheatin’ ain’t tryin’ and it's source, Glenn Beck, 'free' checking, executive bonuses, credit default swaps, fake boobs,  Are You Smarter than a Fifth Grader, Who Wants to be a Millionaire, Joey Buttafuoco, Howie Mandell,  the outbreak of Tattoos and Dreadlocks, TO, Ocho Cinco, Sham Wow, The Snuggie, 'Set it and Forget it', our beloved bounty hunter 'Dog', Cops, Nancy Grace, Joe Buck, P. Diddy, Paris Hilton, Lane Kiffin,  American Idol, Wall St., Visa, MasterCard, Sub prime loans, FHA, Medicare/Medicaid, Nancy Grace, Kim Kardashian, Subway's Jared, The Neckie, The Hills,  Flavour of Love, The Bachelor/Bachelorette, Millionaire Matchmaker, The Housewives of Orange County, and Jersey Shore .…….... nuff said


Let's get back to basics, America........... 


Fix Your Mind, Fix Your Life


GM

NFL Films Documentary Covers Bipolar Disorder

    

        My battle with bipolar disorder while playing with the Baltimore Ravens in 1997 has recently sparked interest in the media. Dave Douglas, the senior producer at NFL Films, just so happened to stumble upon the article 'Hang Em High'(http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1164005/1/index.htm), which appeared in the December 21 2009 issue of Sports Illustrated . The article takes a look into the 'art of punting' - The history of the position, the pressure to perform and the importance of the NFL punter in the 21st century. The author, John Ed Bradley, called me in August of 2009 and asked me if I would contribute to his piece. I agreed.

     After an animated  2.5 hour interview, I was convinced that 'my story' was finally going to be told -  The injuring of my lower back in high school.....the painful transition from linebacker/tight end on the  football team and defense-man on the ice hockey team to 'just a punter'.......at the age of 16 vowing to become a 'professional specialist in the NFL in the year 1988' ......three-time All-Big Ten, two-time All American at Michigan St.......drafted in the 3rd round by the Houston Oilers(72nd pick) ...... becoming the best in the NFL(1990,1992,1992)... the hours of rehabilitation.....the hundreds of  massages and injections.......and finally, the way I personally dealt with the anxiety of playing my whole career with the pain - a broken vertebrae(L4), torn labrum in my hip(plant leg) and torn quadriceps(kicking leg). And it was this anxiety, my personal pressure to be the best on the planet , that manifested into bipolar disorder.

     A long story short. In the Sports Illustrated article, my career was summed up as 'having a panic attack before a game' and a mis-quote from 'Days of Thunder'. The oversight was most likely due to editing, word count and/or  time constraints. But that being said, it still didn't sit very well with me, my family and friends.

     Thank God For Editing

       After reading the article, Dave Douglas, the senior producer at NFL Films, called me to ask if I would be interested in telling my story. He told me that 'his gut told him' there was more to my story. Still a little 'gun shy' from the Sports Illustrated debacle, I was apprehensive. We had a 20 minute conversation where I expressed my concerns. The only way I would agree to do the piece was if he could guarantee it would be accurate.  Not some 'kooky kicker' or 'punting in the NFL caused a panic attack'  bullshit. He then shared with me his own personal experience of dealing with friends and family that suffered from depression. He knew what it felt like to lose a loved one that was depressed. He said he wanted to help me break the stigma that comes with depression and bipolar disorder. He said he wanted to make a difference. He was sincere. He gained my trust. So I agreed.

It's so ironic how the disappointment of one story can lead to the telling of the 'real story'. And for it to be produced by such a classy company such NFL Films. I'm looking forward to seeing the final product.

The moral to this story?  Patience and staying positive. Working hard and doing 'good works'.

No matter how hard it gets, believing that good things are on the horizon.....................


                 Believe IT and IT will Be

Patience Process Letting Go

      I'm sitting in my hotel room contemplating the word  'destiny'. How do I share my message of hope? How do I get kids to take action? Do I need to package it in a way that kids can digest it? I know my Rise Up Detroit project is noble. I'm working out the details w/ founder Michael Corbin for the everyminute.org relaunch. I'm coaching aspiring punters across the nation. I'm trying to 'help'.

      This week I'm at the University of Alabama, helping the coaches learn how teach my 'Set & Pull' technique. Seeing the droves of kids coming in for workouts, it takes me back to my first days in college......wanting success so bad I could taste it. My heart would pound when it was my turn to 'show my wears'. To punt the football. It's taken many years of deep reflection to answer this question  "Why was I  so stressed out when it came to performance?" The answer lies in the work.

    The science of punting was in it's early development in the '80's. With the evolution of film analysis and integration of bio-mechanics, I've finally realized how the punting motion works. The elusive 'why' I'd been looking for all these years. When I was playing, I had no concept of the word 'relax'. My 'repeater swing' needed to be meticulously practiced. Even though I had to re-learn it every day,  I would eventually 'find my groove'. I can remember going in after practice and watching film.  I focused on my body angle, leg extension and foot position at impact. I made sure to finish each kick with my leg high in the air.If  I wasn't doing it to my satisfaction on film, I would go back out and fix it. That's what I 'saw' in pictures while growing up in New Jersey. Legendary punters Ray Guy and Dave Jennings would always finish with their leg  high up into the air. I did my best to imitate this technique my entire career. But in the depths of my subconscious mind, I knew there was an easier way. 

        My 'Set & Pull' punting epiphany came to me in the spring of 2000. Three(3) years removed from the game, I finally understood the concept of 'letting go in order to gain control'. I realized why I had such a tough time having fun playing the game of football. Undiagnosed torn ligaments in my hip and a broken back didn't help things much,  but I knew there was an easier way to create leg(foot) speed.  I didn't have the patience(or bio-mechanic) knowledge to relax and allow my leg to release. My negative mental 'chatter' caused me to drift. I focused on 'results' versus 'process'. I knew I could do better. I wanted to be perfect.

         The game of life has a strange way of teaching us lessons. After all the years of work. The countless  hours of frustrating trial and error. The lesson was this ....  All I had to do was "let go". 

 This is why I teach................GM




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Carry On

When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

I’ve been studying the topic/theory of ‘letting go’ for about 10 years now. One of my first books(manual) on the topic, ‘The Power of Now’ (Eckhart Tolle) showed me how to watch my thoughts; to be an astute observer of my mind. 

'Fitting in' been a constant throughout my life. Ever since I was a child, people have looked at me differently. Being diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 1997 simply added fuel to the fire. The mundane tended to shrug off my philosophies and theories as being ‘part of the illness”. Many years of trying to ‘learn them me’ has lead to a dead end.

 In any form of deep thought, we’re taught to stay present and ‘just be’. On the contrary, 'in order to grow, we must go back”. And going back is a very tricky bridge to cross. A double-edged sword if you will. Many of our friends and family members are stuck. And their unturned stones are unturned for a reason. Simply because we've been given the gift of enlightenment doesn't give us the right to fix everyone else.

Meditation is my method of starting the day and connecting with all that is pure. It's magical. However, it would serve no purpose to describe the indescribable. Besides, I've found that the details of this path to enlightenment are to be only discussed with the willing and able. If not, we'll get stuck defending our views.

 So enjoy your gift enlightened ones. Continue your process of growth.  Carry on.

 Because in the end, the only person we can change is ourselves.

   

GM

Communicate Prepare Execute

        We've all heard the saying "Find a way to make money doing what you love and you'll never work a day in your life." Easier said than done.

    Playing 9 yrs in the NFL was a great experience. I had the opportunity to fulfill my dream of playing professional sports and made many lasting friendships along the way. At first glance, making six figures a year fresh out of college seemed like winning the lottery. I had it made. I thought I was 'set for life'. Like most pro athletes, I never even thought about when/what/where to work after 'retirement'. In retrospect, I missed a great opportunity.

      When I was traveling the globe, my high school and college classmates were paying their dues in the working world. They would be forced to pick a profession and work their way up the corporate ladder. It turns out that for every year played in professional sports, one year is lost preparing for 'life after sports.'

     After years of chasing the dollar, I've finally taken a step in the right direction. My new position of  Co-Founder/President/National Spokesperson for Everyminute.org has made me finally realize that we have a lot of work ahead of us. When we give, we shall then receive. I've always wanted  to help those in need.  Finally breaking my allegiance  to "living the currently twisted. American dream"........Make as much money as possible, raise kids, join the club, travel the world , pretend the money will continue to flow and give back 10% to the local church as well as another 10% to those in need such as food, clothing. What, so they can suffer comfortably?............. Not a method I would like to indulge in. I want to go after the source of the suffering and address the problems directly. Creating jobs, mentoring those in need, coaching those that want to be coached.


    My goal now is to touch as many lives as possible.And I'm aware of the tough journey that lies ahead. Lobbyists and non-profits, all jockeying for funding, adding to the  perverted the system that's in place. It's not broken, but needs a shot of new blood and mindfulness. I'm thinking about NAMI, but will meet with DBSA this week.We've got a nice team being assembled.  dealing w/ depression, anxiety, drug/alcohol abuse etc etc). Setting up an interactive site where I can do raise money for research, spread awareness, host pod casts and promote group interaction for those suffering as well as. A Facebook application  for those suffering from mental illness.

        My 'mirror approach' on stabilization/recovery/productivity is based on my theory that the diagnosis is a 'family diagnosis'. Meaning all parties involved must not only support, but rehabilitate as well. Many of the neuroses are formed in our youth....our developmental years of 1- 6 yrs old. After this age, the computer(child) is hard wired. Of course each situation will vary depending on predisposition, abuse, neglect, experiences(tragic/joyous) etc. But in my opinion, the catalyst of becoming 'unstable' and the eventual manifestation of depression can be traced back our social settings, parents, teachers, coaches, etc.(ie not being 'understood'). Since everyone is wired differently, some kids will need a hug while others need a little more discipline. Whatever the case, I see a need for more evaluation and communication within the family unit, classroom, locker room and/or board room. The days of 'my way or the highway' are over. With the progress of modern psychology and the multitude of resources/data available, there's no reason why we can't create an atmosphere to help special needs kids and adults alike. Please comment and let me know if you have any desire to works on these upcoming projects.GM

  

The ECR's of Bipolar Disorder

            

            Having bipolar disorder is similar to wielding a razor sharp double-edged sword.We go from one day being unstoppable; on top of the world.  Then - ‘Poof’. Our confidence disappears. We wake up (at noon) feeling empty and devastated with destructive ‘chatter’ repeating in our heads. For what?! This is the world of bipolar disorder. The highs can be dangerously high and the lows can terribly low. No end in sight. Lost in the depths of hell. This all changed when I finally accepted ‘who I am’(bipolar) and made the necessary lifestyle changes to live(thrive) a productive life.             

                  You Can Do It!

           Panic and anxiety sets in when we don’t know what’s happening to us. It’s like the dreams we have when forgot to study for a test or being late for a meeting. It’s terrible. But you have to trust me on this one - IT WILL PASS. This is the number one fact I want people to know. When you’re in a funk, ride it out. Don’t panic or isolate. Make sure to communicate with friends,  family, loved ones. It won’t be easy. We need to break the grip of anxiety through establishing a routine and/or regime. Whether it be reading, yoga, meditation, going for a walk, going to the gym, calling a friend.  We need to be active.  I mentioned earlier in one of my posts that humans were originally hunter gatherers. They had to move to survive. Well, the same applies to depression.

            During my journey, through all the highs and lows, I’ve discovered that there are three(3) pillars that must be build and maintained in order to support  bipolar disorder (our gift)  : Education, Communication and Respect.

          For starters, we must be honest with what we see in the mirror. There is an imbalance that needs to be addressed. And if done properly, we can change the world. However if not addressed, it could be fatal. The trick is to surround ourselves with a solid support team, get our moods stabilized (w/meds and/or holistically), consciously make an effort to reinvent ourselves and adapt to our new way of life.

                                                   Educate

        First we must learn how to use it. It’s very tough to take a test when you haven’t studied and/or don’t have the answers. Once diagnosed, it’s very important to educate ourselves on the history of bipolar disorder and the many symptoms that go with it.  In addition to assisting those diagnosed, there are many books, websites and publications that can help educate our friends, family and co-workers. I highly suggest it be a team effort. It’s a family illness and should be treated as such. Knowing what goes into our bodies and how our brains react to such foods, medicines and drinks is essential.

                                           Communicate

  Communicating with our doctors, therapists and family members is probably the most important aspect of living with bipolar disorder. Initially, much of our pent up anger will surface. As in any recovery, this is natural. Keep a journal. Chart your moods and Purge the negative thoughts and grudges. Take the time let your inner circle know how you feel. If your meds need to be adjusted, talk to your doctor/therapist immdeiately. Go online and join a support group or start a blog (I did). We need to always stay on top of our moods (meds). In addition to our life adjustments, our inner circle (family) needs to make the effort to LISTEN to US as well. In most cases this will be unchartered territory. But that’s the beauty of recovery. Like it or not, bipolar disorder is a family illness, so all those involved will need to participate. It will be a life changing experience and a great opportunity to be ‘reintroduced’ to family. You’ll finally find out who your true friends are. Unfortunately you’ll have to let some of them go. This is life.

                                                 Respect

      The final pillar is that of respect. The respect of bipolar disorder. We must respect the power of bipolar disorder. Always pay attention …Stay focused…. mind, body, spirit. With bipolar disorder, we must be cautious but never scared.  It’s possible to guide our gift. Steer it any direction we choose – Good or Bad.  Just remember, as Layne Staley said – “Our Pain Is Self Chosen”. This means we need to be careful when start to drift into our ‘old ways’. Make a bold highlighted note in your journal of how you felt at your lowest point……..your PAIN. Never forget the hole you were in and never risk going there again simply because you want to feel’ just a little better’. I call this ‘getting greedy with our mania’.  In the beginning of our recovery, 9 times out 10, as soon as our funk flips to our cozy hypo-manic bliss, we all have amnesia when it comes to our pain…..Danger Will Robinson!!  The ‘extracurricular activities of the past’ need to be just that – The Past. When you get the urge, take out your journal and read your notes on ‘Pain’. Circle it. Feel it. Taste it. .............. You have a choice. 

Good Luck to All -  GM

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Clarity on Draft Day

    The following is a courageous piece written by my former NFL teammate Craig Veasey. Craig and I are working together in order to raise awareness of mental illness in the NFL.  


                            

                   
                                    
My  Houston Oiler teammate Craig Veasey

April 22, 2010 (NFL Draft Day) 

       20 years ago, on this very day, I was high on life. Life was good, I just went from what I thought was just a life of bad luck, to standing on top of the world, but little did I know! I was a young man with problems, who was just handed the key to Pandora’s box. Football was an unrealistic world, which helped foster my illness; all the while I thought that my actions were just the norm of an NFL player. Alcohol, Promiscuity, Drugs and the excessive spending; that’s normal isn’t it? ..... No, its not. 

      20 years later, I have nothing; all wasted away, including all of my young years. With all of the negative attention given to the actions of a hand full of NFL players these days, is it possible that some of it can be attributed to BPD? 1 divorce and the loss of a relationship with my oldest child later, I final have help, and understanding. It took the love of my wife, Lisa, to not only own up to there actually being a problem, but also to actually accepting and getting help. I was lucky, that Lisa actually graduated with a degree in psychology, and recognized the symptoms, but too many people don’t have that kind of support. 

      I still struggle, and it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, to not give in. Two days ago, I was leaving a building here in Houston, and the police were blocking everyone from entering the parking garage. I noticed the medical examiners van sitting on the far side of the entrance, and an over abundance of police in the area. A building employee standing with us, told us that someone had just leaped from the 7^th floor, to his death.  I had just been there 20 minutes ago. It had to happen exactly after I walked past there. A lady standing with us commented, “It’s never that bad.” No, it really isn’t that bad, but for us with BPD and other mental illnesses, it’s not always that clear. For a moment, I understood what he might have been going through, to make him give up his life. Could he have been helped, yes, we all can, but there must be more understanding.

“I yearned to get better; I told myself I was getting better. In fact, the depression was still there, like a powerful undertow. Sometimes it grabbed me, yanked me under; other times, I swam free.” –Tracy Thompson, The Beast: A Reckoning with Depression

I’m taking my meds …. Now what?!

    This is a very common question for those newly diagnosed with depression and/or bipolar disorder. The answer is not that simple. Due to the fact we’ve dealt with an assortment of highs and lows throughout our lives, which one(level) do we choose to be our normal? What is normal anyway? My normal is/was/ used to be tons of energy, boundless optimism and a drive to take on the world. Ignorance is bliss.

    I've been officially dealing with the stigma of bipolar disorder for 13 years. Before that, I was just crazy. The more I dig into the world of mental health awareness, the more I see those suffering being lumped into categories such as ‘ill’, ‘nuts’, ‘unstable’ and ‘unreliable’. Not cool.  The major reason for this stigma(s) is that the ‘simple minds’ haven’t had the pleasure of feeling the wide range of emotions that come with bipolar disorder. They simply don’t get it. And when something in America isn’t understood, it is criticized………….and most likely “treated’.  Ride the storm, people ……….. it will always pass.

      The hopeless romantic, I believed that people are innately good.  My journey has taught me otherwise. They don’t mean harm. Society has taught them this. But when our presence poses a threat on their job, reputation and/or image, the easiest thing to do is ignor(ant) us. And that’s what they do. Get used to it.

     “What happened to Greg? He used to be such a nice boy”.

     Growing up, most of us tried to fit in. Be one of the ‘in crowd’. We often think - “Why do people look at me like this?”  The answer I’ve found is that we are intriguing, mysterious and constantly misunderstood. Could it be that most people want what we have? The ability to be spontaneous, creative and uninhibited usually brought only frowns and smug comments. So when we finally break, those same people come to our aid……”Are you OK?”.......”What’s the matter?”……. “You’re not acting like yourself”. After years of criticism and unanswered questions, we’ll get to the point of “You want to see crazy?! …. Watch this!"
This is when we go off the grid. We experiment, isolate and fight.  The timing of this revolution is never predictable, but absolutely inevitable.  My D-Day erupted when I was 33.

      Luckily I have a supportive family. It’s taken over 12 years, but I caught my snap. I refrain from judging my self-worth on the opinions of others.  I try to live a healthy lifestyle. I resist seeking happiness in external things.  Some of our brethren aren’t as lucky.  So when you sense a problem, pick up the phone. And be compassionate. Compassionate to those that won’t understand but are willing to help.

    Normal

   Once we’re’ stable’, the real work begins. It won’t be easy, but it’s do-able.  We all need to recover from the social conditioning we’ve been made to believe is the truth. We need to re-invent ourselves and make a conscious effort to establish boundaries and trust the process.

    Communicate. Pay attention to your moods. Set goals. Try to be realistic. Never be too proud to ask for help. And seek advise from those that have dealt with depression and/or bipolar disorder first hand. We have felt your pain and would love to help.  

GM 

NFL Films documentary on Bipolar Disorder

Pretty stoked Steve Sabol at NFL Films has invited me to do a feature on my NFL career. Being one of the few professional athletes to open up about mental illness,  this piece will be  groundbreaking . I will be talking about my career, my current coaching and my battles with bipolar disorder in 1997-present. The topic of bipolar disorder in this interview could  further our goal of breaking the stigma of mental illness. I've got an idea of how to address the forthcoming questions, but I again say I would like some feedback from my readers. \\

I actually think it would beneficial to film our own documentary during the shoot in May. Maybe some creative art student would like to take part. It would be interesting to see the difference between the final products( cuts and editing.)

Let me know if anyone  is interested.

Thanks in advance - Greg

248-752-7572


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Rise Up

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          Over the last 18 months, I've been struggling with the "Why?". After many sleepless nights and introspection, I've come to find the answer is "Why not?". Our pain is self chosen. If we want to co-exist with others, we must weed our own garden.  Clean up our act. A 'mirror approach' on stabilization/recovery/productivity will restore order to our families and communities. We must start with a solid Foundation. The Roots. The Base. The Source.

      In rebuilding our family relationships as well as our communities, the one constant is change. And change we must. One person at a time.

    Bad News -  Psychologically, most our neuroses are  formed in our youth....our developmental years of 1- 6 yrs old. After this age, the computer(brain) is hard wired. Each situation will vary depending on predisposition, social settings, abuse, neglect, life's experiences(tragic/joyous), but the table is set.

 Good news - These patterns can be re-molded through education and spiritual growth in the  community as well as the family unit. It is my experience, that if all we all participate with an open mind, the sensitive issues can be  identified and resolved. It will take a team effort. And the entire team will need to rise up and be honest with the person in the mirror.

    Never for a lack of effort, we constantly fail to find each other's 'sweet spot'. This leads to the feeling of never  understood and self pity.  We need to find a way to communicate. Be heard...... given a voice. Meaning we all must not only support social issues, but choose to engage in the  re-building process as well.  As we all know, the lack of communication, or lack of effective communication for that matter, is the main cause for destructive and rebellious behavior. Tone. Context. Verbiage.Prejudice. No matter the reason, the results are always the same.


   In all walks of life, one must realize that our environment is product of our own thoughts and actions; hence we are part of the problem. Our friends,  family and co-workers are in essence a projection of ourselves. If we engage in the deconstruction of the ego(the attachment to external things), we can take the necessary steps to 'peel the onion' and start to grow. We all have a choice. If we choose to address our own issues(take our moral inventory) fearlessly, we can recovery as a family/community. And it starts with the image in the mirror.

Rise Up - GM

                      

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Samsara in Detroit

     As I reflect on my childhood, football career and subsequent 12 years searching for my purpose, the most valuable lesson learned is that there will be change, the journey never ends and the work is never done. The root of anxiety is lack of preparation and the inability to adapt.That being said, I'm trying to change.
    'Change' is often heard these days, but where is it? We can't wait for things to miraculously change themselves. We need to do the work. Understand that we create our own existence. And always remember it's not where you're from, it's where you're at. 
    Preparing children for life's challenges needs to be the foundation of their future. Giving them the tools to cope with the journey that lies ahead. Showing them how to do it. There's no better place to start than in the city that needs most - Detroit. No stranger to change, The Motor City is perfect example of how we must press on. Embrace the task, dig in and make a stand. The D is like an uncut diamond. Brush away the outer layer, in lies the gem. 
   The following text shows us that if you plan on it, change can and will  be your greatest ally. And guess what?.........It's never too late.




       'Samasara' by Thanissaro Bhikkhu

Samsara literally means "wandering-on." Many people think of it as the Buddhist name for the place where we currently live — the place we leave when we go to nibbana. But in the early Buddhist texts, it's the answer, not to the question, "Where are we?" but to the question, "What are we doing?" Instead of a place, it's a process: the tendency to keep creating worlds and then moving into them. As one world falls apart, you create another one and go there. At the same time, you bump into other people who are creating their own worlds, too.

The play and creativity in the process can sometimes be enjoyable. In fact, it would be perfectly innocuous if it didn't entail so much suffering. The worlds we create keep caving in and killing us. Moving into a new world requires effort: not only the pains and risks of taking birth, but also the hard knocks — mental and physical — that come from going through childhood into adulthood, over and over again. The Buddha once asked his monks, "Which do you think is greater: the water in the oceans or the tears you've shed while wandering on?" His answer: the tears. Think of that the next time you gaze at the ocean or play in its waves.

In addition to creating suffering for ourselves, the worlds we create feed off the worlds of others, just as theirs feed off ours. In some cases the feeding may be mutually enjoyable and beneficial, but even then the arrangement has to come to an end. More typically, it causes harm to at least one side of the relationship, often to both. When you think of all the suffering that goes into keeping just one person clothed, fed, sheltered, and healthy — the suffering both for those who have to pay for these requisites, as well as those who have to labor or die in their production — you see how exploitative even the most rudimentary process of world-building can be.

This is why the Buddha tried to find the way to stop samsara-ing. Once he had found it, he encouraged others to follow it, too. Because samsara-ing is something that each of us does, each of us has to stop it him or her self alone. If samsara were a place, it might seem selfish for one person to look for an escape, leaving others behind. But when you realize that it's a process, there's nothing selfish about stopping it at all. It's like giving up an addiction or an abusive habit. When you learn the skills needed to stop creating your own worlds of suffering, you can share those skills with others so that they can stop creating theirs. At the same time, you'll never have to feed off the worlds of others, so to that extent you're lightening their load as well.

It's true that the Buddha likened the practice for stopping samsara to the act of going from one place to another: from this side of a river to the further shore. But the passages where he makes this comparison often end with a paradox: the further shore has no "here," no "there," no "in between." From that perspective, it's obvious that samsara's parameters of space and time were not the pre-existing context in which we wandered. They were the result of our wandering.

For someone addicted to world-building, the lack of familiar parameters sounds unsettling. But if you're tired of creating incessant, unnecessary suffering, you might want to give it a try. After all, you could always resume building if the lack of "here" or "there" turned out to be dull. But of those who have learned how to break the habit, no one has ever felt tempted to samsara again.


We'd all love to live with the naiveté' of a puppy; thinking life is going to go off without a hitch. Fact is life is tough. And the sooner our youth are given the tools to cope, the better.GM

Suicide Is Not An Option

Love is the center.

Acceptance the goal.

Destruction abundant.

Doing 'time in the hole'.

Our fear of the truth.

Of never being enough.

How funny when we get there.

We fuck it all up.

Why do we do it?

Spin out of control.

What is our purpose?

Will we ever be whole?

Our burning question.

Is it worth it...... this fight?

Just as legend has it.

We must fight for that right.

You've gotta make it.

It's all in your mind.

You've got a message to carry.

And delivered on time..............

.GHM

Utterly

.This poem was recently posted by Herman Le Roux on the Facebook group page , Bipolar(s) Supporting Bipolars.

Somes it up.......Thank you, Herman

Utterly

   by Herman Le Roux


Utterly lonely, utterly sad
Feelings of desperation, utterly bad
Utterly brilliant, utterly bored
Utterly cut by this two edged sword.
Utterly loving and utterly glad,
Utterly passionate about the thoughts of mad

Would I change this utter world of me
For one where every moment can just be?

For one of mundane and always the same,
Without regret and without blame?

Would I take a world of only light?
Where there is not this life and love fight?

Or would I choose one of darkness and fear,
A one where thought are stuck in one gear?

Would I change all of this for one plain and true?
Where sun is just sun and blue is just blue?

I thought about that, of a life free of pain,
In exchange for one where there is no passion to gain.

And may answer is this, yes
I would for a day,
Go to that normal, life that people say
Is part of billions and billions of men,
But I know that I would return to my own when,
My passion for love and life return
With its feelings of hate and love that can burn

A mark in this world that will evermore be,
Because you see that is this,
This life called me.


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About a Weak Back........

       I've been off the radar for a couple weeks. In my former years......as a NFL punter.......the many years of throwing my leg up over my head has led to a plethora of injuries(hip, back, legs,neck) that have required(need) surgery. Like clockwork, 2-3 times a year, the scar tissue and bone fragments around the L4 in my lower back shift into a position where my torso locks up due to sciatic nerve pressure. I'm guessing the 36 hr car ride to AZ didn't help the issue.


    The loss of physical activity (golf, gym workouts, cardio) usually leads me to a funk......which it did. This simply reminds me that I(we) must stay active. Keep moving. Our descendants were hunter gatherers. Case in point, when we stop moving, our brains will have too much time. Too much time to think....into the past and into the future. 


     Lack of activity and/or reading will lead to atrophy in both our bodies and our minds. So keep moving people. Stay in the moment.  I was reminded that whether it be a physical and/or mental ailment, we must stay focused, stay strong and stay active. And remember take an aggressive approach to wellness. GM

      

     

     

      

    

Zen Golf, Punting and Life - Random Thoughts

                       

              “Letting Go in Order to Gain Control”

Repetition will instill muscle (brain) memory in order to focus on 1-3 swing thoughts while competing on the golf course and in a stadium filled with 78,000 fans..  I’ve always been in search of the “perfect move” (swing) in punting, golf and ultimately - life .  Even though ‘it’ took 45 years to manifest, ‘letting go‘ has given me the gift of ‘control’ on the course…. the practice tee/green………. and life.

There is a very fine line between success and failure when we finally ‘let go with a purpose'. Especially in the game of golf->just as in the game of life (punting).

Being able to “trust the process”, clear your mind and allow your swing(life) unfold naturally is definitely something to strive for.  However, the next step is to “put it all together” and consistantly execute.  Working on ingraining swing movements into my subconscious mind has put me in a position to “take my relationship” (mind, body, spirit) to the next level.

We all need to free our minds from the limitations that accompany a “results driven mindset”. Thoughts..whispers of  “I’ve never shot 65”, “I hope I don’t pull this putt”, “Wouldn’t it be stupid to snap hook this drive?”....... All the way to “How will this win change my life?” on the PGA Tour.  Tiger has proven time and again that he has been blessed/taught/learned to focus at a level never known in the history of golf. This is life. The art of ‘ Focus’………..think 'The Eye of the Tiger'.  

I’ve been blessed to experience ‘it’(the zone) in small  but poignant doses. Though I had much ‘success’(statistically) with my punting, my new goal is to implement this freedom into my golf game. I can vividly remember throwing the  football (back to my center/coach) while in my crouch position when I used to  hold for FG’s in the NFL………my hips were preset(turn) and awkward(correct) position forced me to turn my shoulders and throw the ball with body……….it was magical. My never ending quest…my unquiet mind…..the constant grind.  Hilarious, but so frustrating. I knew it was ‘in there”, but I squeezed when I should have “Let Go”….physically, spiritually and mentally. This ‘squeezing of life' served to hold me back in all of my endeavors whether it be on or off the field.

Then came 2003, when I found it!(whole other story) Too little, too late for my NFL punting career, but I share it and coach it. (Google ‘Donnie Jones – punter St Louis Rams”) and you’ll see what I mean. We have to be prepared for this 'shift’…..When we finally realize “we are ok” (on the right track), we (the human mind) can do anything…for real!!”  Quantum Thinking prevents us from letting fear (guilt/failure) creep in and plant its evil seed. Know this, people! -  We can compete at ‘levels unknown’.  We have to constantly remind ourselves that‘doubt’  is the number ONE(1) hurdle that separates the boys from the men.  We must strive to free our minds of negative thoughts, destructive loops of “scenarios”, “what if’s”, and “what will the friends family fans say (think)”…………Yes, we need to let go(mental chatter0 and allow life to happen; but always remember we can direct it(guide it) when we relax and respect the process.(fyi - next level of consciousness, folks).

After proper mental and physical preparation, we must(can) always “trust the process” (i.e. I hit a 65 yd punt in 1998 while locked in the “chains of a panic attack”). I simply let my instincts takes over. All the work, repetition and drills paid off....And I didn't even know I had a choice. ...What a 'Seinfeld moment'....When all I had to do my whole career was understand (and believe) we are in control of all of our actions….catch to kick….address to finish…sunrise to sunset. And that’s it, folks ……….

So the moral to the story is: 1) Focus   2) Execute (allow)  and  3) Enjoy (let it happen) the ride!  .....The Mystery............... GM





.

Returning to the Scene of the Crime

 Due to my current alliances with   Everyminute.org (Michael Corbin), North Venture Partners (Alex Bernstein) and BringChange2Mind.org (Dr Cinda Johnson) and Alicia Sparks, my 'last minute' trip to  Miami on the eve of the 2010 Super Bowl  proved to be not only successful, but even more - enlightening. My most quality time was spent with my old friends Paul Pomfret (PDP Capital), Wendy Herr and Andy Bernstein (Mass Hysterics.com). These people 'get it' and are excited to work with everyminute.org. The sky is the limit and my team is evolving ..... very nicely. ; )

      As you all know, my 'quantum shift' has taken place much to the surprise of many of my former NFL co-workers and members of the media. After reviewing my credentials and press release for everyminute.org, the responses I received from the media, for the most part, were mixed. Woven in among the 'congratulations on your efforts', 'you look like a rock star' and 'you're an inspiration'; were the looks, vibes and whisperings of  'we really don't want to address, suicide depression and the effects concussions on athletes'.

    My old friends from Baltimore were great. 'Nasty Nester', Scott Garceau and Wally Williams embraced my cause(s). But 'between us girls'....... The topics of bipolar disorder, suicide and depression were only delicately sprinkled into questions of  'let's talk about the good old daze' and 'who's going to win the big game'. I had no problem 'switching channels' and 'playing the game'. The media is there to entertain. This is their job...and I respect this. But after all was said and done, talking about depression and suicide probably wasn't a number one topic in the eyes of each program director.

   Returning to the scene of the crime (the NFL), was a grave reminder of how football is big business. I felt badly for all the 'kids' with their 'bling', overinflated egos and (de)illusion of being on top of the world. I understand the feeling. Been there. Done that. It only enhanced how important my quest to educate and prevent depression will be. Stay strong and stay tuned. GM

 

Golf, Dogs, Punts and Parents

    
 Its amazing how looking at one’s golf swing (and  dogs/babies for that matter) can give many clues on the psychological make-up of a human being; Control, patience, attention span, goals, data storage/retention.


      The golf swing, as with the punting stroke and as in life, is a process that takes focus/ memory to successfully execute.  Once the basics are learned, we need to figure out (and practice) remembering “how” to do it, but at the same time “how not” to (think). 


      Own the moment, not the scene.  Or better yet, own the process (swing, motion), not the game (scene).  By saying the “right” thing, wearing the best clothes, using the most technically advanced equipment won’t make you a good golfer, punter or parent.


Process vs. Results 


      In order to attain a desired results, it is the process that needs to be mastered; mentally and physically.  In this results driven society, the most common error is to think “we got it” and not take the time to do the work. Take the time to 'watch our minds' and execute our pre-shot/punt/life routine; ultimately forgetting to “read the directions”.


      There’s nothing wrong with having the desire to succeed, however, once you “step into the batter’s box” up “onto the tee box” or 'back to punt", we must go thru a simple pre-shot/swing routine and then,  ZEN.


      We have to have the ability to ignore negative mental chatter and execute the entire routine/process/swing. Having 'the gift of being'..... The ability to approach life with a 'Ce La Vie' approach, will allow us to “Let it Happen”, be absolutely  Present, free our mind with the rare ability to totally Focus, Relax, and Execute.


When we approach life with a 'Half Full' attitude. We will be blessed .


The Do's ...........“Let go” --> Set and Pull, Seeing Great Results, Quantum Positive, “put a good move on it” 


vs.


The fatal 'Half Empty'  approach........


The Don'ts  --> Over thinking, Focusing on negative thoughts, Tightening up, Forcing it, Making it Happen/The Results, Squeezing it, White Knuckling it, Panicking.


      One thing I’ve noticed about people(the majority) is that most want to keep things “in a box”, simple, generally vague(and boring) --> Regular and Normal.  No one really wants to take the time to slow down and “smell the roses” or “read the directions” in order to execute “the process”........... Focusing on results, 'What if’s' and 'Oh no's' is death.


      When we(they) “get stuck” and forget to go thru the process, the brain will malfunction and lock onto the negative thought pattern and/or focus only on “one part/aspect” of the swing(life) . The only is destiny will be  disaster....... leading an incomplete and abbreviated swing-> forcing.  An incomplete swing by attempting to make the results miraculously happen, when we must focus on what we can control..... Ourselves.....Our process.......... Our “catch to kick” .


     Moral to Story -  Focus on what you actually CAN control.  The swing (Process) versus the shot (Results) .




Conditions


      As in conditional love, we can’t approach a motion by focusing on “what we need/want” in order for to get the desired results.  And focusing/complaining about these said conditions(obstacles)  will ruin the movement(process). When we fix(work on) ourselves, all those around us will gladly follow suit. 


“We Are What We Teach” 


      Which brings me to the dogs and children. The inherent personalities are a sometimes a grave reminder of who we are and how we approach life. 


 “Now Noel, you don’t want to discipline away her personality” was once said by a doting grandfather to his daughter in reference to the disciplining of of her wily 4 yr old.


“Lord, give me the strength,  to accept things I cannot change, to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”



The Art of Listening (Listen to Learn) 


      For us to learn(and teach), we have to learn to listen.  We can’t expect someone to “fix us” and/or teach/learn with a predetermined “way we want”.  We have to be patient and allow the the results to manifest. So  PAY ATTENTION .......... and LISTEN.


 Being prepared to learn is an art. And being patient enough to teach is a miracle.


The Art of Learning 


      Most people only want to hear what suits their needs. And in some cases, project their insecurities upon us in the process. 


Good News - Once these mind viruses are purged, it is then we will learn.  It is then we can take life to the next level........ and Free our Minds!


 Bad News - Most are lost souls destined for mediocrity.  Trapped in a life they “thought” they wanted ... living “results driven” and eventually,  the stress of not being “in control”,  will kill them. As the  Montgomery Mirror Approach states.... if you kid yourself, ignore what you see in the mirror and think you’re in control, especially when you’re a pleaser, a “yes man”, “a follower” and NOT a thought leader........ the future is bleak  At the end of the day, you'll have no control......and  no friends. Only subordinates and feaux aquaintances.  I speak from experience......If you’re dumb enough to think people don’t notice your lack of control.... your  EGO .......   and you foolishly confuse your paycheck with wisdom, you will....  mark my words... pay HALF!  It's like shooting fish in a barrel.


Moral? - Pay Attention! 


    It's a fact ........ that a head strong student/friend/family member will sometimes need to be totally exhausted in order to finally let go. Try not give up on them  For the tired body (and mind) will eventually give up “trying to DO the motion(life)” and finally ALLOW the motion(life) to unfold. I've been blessed to have the ability to “unlearn” my “control moves” in life and now strive to partake with a free mind, body and spirit. ................   And that, my friends,  will continue to be the all too elusive trick.


How's that for a Wednesday morning rant?!


Piece - GM



..

HELLoooo....Is There Anybody Out There?

     As you can imagine, throughout my many years of playing college and professional sports, I've heard some classic quotes from some classic coaches. And this one stands out. George Perles, my head coach(and teammate of my father) at Michigan State said, "You either hang together ... Or you hang separate".


    And it's that simple.


    Those of us that have been on 'the dark side' need to recognize some things if we're going to 'make it'. There are many levels of depression, and we all know them well. My recently named position of National Spokesperson for everyminute.org  is living testimony that I'm on the right track.


    That being said, as George Perles said, all those that want to be in our lives need to make a choice. They need to figure out who's side they're on and where they want to go....and with whom. Because we're going to succeed(recover) with them or without them.


      This leads me to the question of  "Are we ever going to get through"? 


      'Smart money' says  "No". 


     Even though we really appreciate their concern, all those friends and family that are 'stuck in the past' need be kicked to the curb(gently). Once their job of 'saving us' is taken out of their hands ..... and they can no longer inhale the fumes of our victory(recovery).....it is then we find out who our true friends are.


        As Jack Kennedy said, "Victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan." The funny thing - this quote inadvertently applies to all of us.


       I had my latest epiphany in W Palm Beach while visiting with an old 'friend'.


     We really have to 'let go'.....let go of the 'chains of guilt'.....and stop swimming in the 'river of deceit'.


     We all know the definition of insanity. And that question is usually directed at us when 'those that care' are hammering us with stories of our past trials and tribulations. The real issue of insanity is this - 'Why do we continue to believe that 'these people'(that have never understood us) are going to miraculously going to catch our drift?    News flash - It ain't happening.


    Here are a few open questions for you to chew on.........


    How do we get our friends and family to open(clear) their minds?


   When the mind viruses of 'our handlers' are rampant, how do we know when to move on....cut bait?


   How do we avoid activating their EGO when the conversation turns to them?


   In order for them to grow with us, do we need to give them scientific facts that explain how their brain (ego) functions?


    How many parents/teachers/coaches that learn  they were originally “wrong or mislead” (while parenting/teaching/coaching)  actually make 'the shift'(to enlightenment)?


    Is there a 'soft approach' for us to use when it's their turn to list their old habits and ways of teaching that could be improved upon? .... The very root of our pain.


    Are we the only ones that need/want to grow(mind body spirit)?


       In this day of PhD's, MD's, Fox News and "say’s who's?", it is very difficult(and frustrating) for us to get through to those that need written proof we are on the right track. It's sad that he very people that 'think they are helping' just so happen to be using an extremely rigidly programmed belief system based upon what they’ve “heard” and what they “thought” was right/correct/effective. What if they are(were) wrong?......... And if so, do they really care?


  I've learned that this is a very slippery slope. And there will come a time when we need to make a decision. And that decision will be ours, not theirs.


 On that note, I'm going to 'therapy'. GM